Written By Aruna Gilbert – Chief Program and Policy Officer I had the privilege of sitting with my 70-year-old uncle as he reminisced about his childhood. As someone working in early childhood education and social work, I found myself captivated by his stories, not just because they were family history, but because they so perfectly illustrated principles I encounter daily in my professional life. My uncle grew up in Guyana in the 1950s, when early education looked very different than it does today. He described his pre-K classroom as one large open space without partitions, housing several age groups simultaneously. In this environment, he struggled tremendously. “I couldn’t sit still,” he told me with a chuckle. “I would roam around the classroom constantly, moving from one area to another.” Today, we might have quickly labeled him as having ADHD or a behavior problem and developed an intervention plan. Back then, the solution was much simpler: his parents were called in and informed that he could not remain at the school; they didn’t believe they were the best place for him. At just five years old, my uncle faced his first educational rejection. What happened next would alter the course of his life. My grandparents enrolled him in a boys’ school where the headmistress took a markedly different approach. When my grandmother expressed concern about her son’s behavior, the headmistress simply said, “Don’t worry, he will be fine.” But she didn’t stop at reassurance. This remarkable educator took a personal interest in my uncle’s development. She checked in on him regularly, created space for his energy, and recognized the intelligence that his previous school had overlooked. She became what researchers now call a “protective factor” in his life. Decades later, my uncle—by then an accomplished civil engineer—was working on a major infrastructure project when he noticed a young engineer with the same surname as his former headmistress. In a moment that still brings tears to his eyes when he recounts it, he discovered he was his beloved headmistress’s grandson. “I was able to tell him how his grandmother had changed my life,” he said. “How I might not have become an engineer at all without her influence.” From “Problem Child” to Distinguished Engineer My uncle went on to graduate at the top of his class at McMaster University in Canada, earning both his Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in civil engineering with distinction. He later completed his doctorate in civil engineering at the Indian Institute of Technology, one of India’s most elite educational institutions, again with top honors. Yet when asked about the foundations of his success, he doesn’t point to his natural intelligence or even his work ethic. Instead, he recalls those early childhood moments and the headmistress who believed in him. As I listened to my uncle’s story, I couldn’t help but connect it to the growing body of research on childhood development and resilience. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris’s groundbreaking work on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) shows that negative early experiences can have lasting impacts on children’s development and even their physical health. But her research also reveals something profoundly hopeful: the presence of just one supportive adult can significantly mitigate these effects. One relationship can change everything. Similarly, Isabelle Hau emphasizes in her book “Love to Learn” that relationships are fundamental to learning and development. Children don’t learn from people they don’t trust or feel connected to, and they thrive when they feel seen and valued. My uncle’s story offers several important lessons: 1. Early experiences matter. The way adults respond to children’s needs and behaviors in their early years can have lifelong implications. 2. Labels can limit potential. Had my uncle been in today’s educational system, he might have been labeled with a disorder rather than seen as a child with unique needs and strengths. 3. One adult can change a child’s trajectory. The headmistress didn’t implement an elaborate intervention program; she simply paid attention, showed care, and created space for a different kind of learner. 4. The impact of care ripples through generations. The headmistress never knew how far her influence would reach, but decades later, her grandson got to hear about the profound difference his grandmother had made. Reflection I have thought often about my uncle’s story in the days since our conversation. As professionals in education and child development, we sometimes get caught up in curricula, assessments, and methodologies. These matter, of course, but my uncle’s experience reminds me that at the heart of effective education is something much simpler: relationship. Sometimes, all it takes is one adult who truly sees a child, who looks past challenging behaviors to recognize potential, who makes the daily choice to believe in a child even when evidence suggests otherwise. My uncle’s life stands as testimony to the power of that one caring adult. And it makes me wonder: whose life might our educators be changing today, without even realizing it? What experiences have shaped your educational journey? Was there a teacher or mentor who changed your trajectory? Do you remember your preschool teacher? I would love to hear your stories submitted to communications@elcpalmbeach.org .

As parents and caregivers, we all strive to raise positive, cooperative, kind children. But kids will be kids, and the reality is that tantrums, challenging behavior, and power struggles will pop up. With the right tips and encouragement, we can help our children build positive behavior habits that will help them throughout their life. Research shows that positive behavior starts with strong relationships- when children feel loved and safe, they are more likely to cooperate. Acknowledge Their Behavior Catch your child being good! When you see your child engaging in good behavior, encourage them by being enthusiastic and specific. For instance, you can say, “Wow, I saw you share your toy at the park! That was such a nice thing to do!” Make eye contact, get down to their level, and show genuine interest in what your child is doing and how they are behaving. Even when your child acts up, it’s important to stay positive. For example, you can say, “I noticed you were trying hard to stay calm. That’s not easy. Next time, let’s practice stepping away and taking a deep breath.” Preparing for Challenging Behavior Kids aren’t perfect, and it’s always good to prepare if your child’s behavior goes south during an outing or playdate. Stay nearby your child so you can intervene or change locations if needed or provide two sets of the same toy (such as two balls) if you know your child is working on sharing. Sometimes a child does not yet know how to communicate their feelings, which can result in challenging behavior to get what they want. Help your child be a better communicator by talking about certain situations ahead of time (such as what to do while playing with friends or what to expect at school drop off) and reading books about other children dealing with big feelings and similar situations. Help your child with simple calm-down strategies, such as taking deep breaths when they feel frustrated, going to a quiet space in another room, or seeking support from a trusted adult. Skills for Building Positive Behavior Be specific when you want your child to display certain behaviors, such as sharing or being nice. For example, you can say “Hands are not for hitting, hands are for playing, eating, and hugging” or “Use your words. Ask for help if you are upset.” A great way to establish positive behavior in children is to practice! Have your child practice taking turns while you are playing with them, or when they’re with a sibling. You can also remind your child before playing with other kids that toys are for sharing. If there is a special toy that they don’t want to share, to put it away in a safe space. Model the behavior you want to see in your child. Kids learn more from what we do rather than what we say. Show them how to handle frustration, how to be patient, and talk about when it doesn’t go quite right. After all, even as adults, we have moments! Building positive behavior takes time and new skills emerge as your child grows. Modeling, teaching patience, and showing understanding, make it easier. It’s all about progress, not perfection, and as a parent, you are already doing a great job to help your child grow! Positive behavior will get better as your child ages and has more opportunities to practice. If you need more tips on how to address challenging behavior in children, you can connect with our Warm Line over the phone at 888-620-9190 or online at https://www.elcpalmbeach.org/warmline .